How do parents prepare their children to avoid sexual assault at university?

Editor's note: Cara Alaimo is a professor of communication at Fairleigh Dickinson University and author of the book How Social Media Affects Women and Girls. Two women reported this month that they had been sexually assaulted inside student fraternity houses near the University of Chicago, in the latest incidents of this kind, following similar accusations of sexual assaults at the University of Arizona and Cornell University, in addition to many other cases that preceded them. According to a report issued by the Association of American Universities, revised in 2020, about 26% of women and about 7% of men, on average, are exposed to sexual contact without their consent during their college years.

Colleges and universities can do more to reduce these crimes, but parents can also help prevent sexual assault on campus by having serious, direct conversations with their teens and providing clear guidance on how to deal with these situations. Lindsay Lieberman, a lawyer in Washington, D.C., who handles sexual assault cases, said these conversations should not start for the first time when children leave for college.

From early childhood, we must teach children to respect the boundaries of others, and that each of them has the right to control his body. But when it comes specifically to sexual assault on college campuses, many parents simply don't know what to say to their children.

The basics of romantic relationships: Children of both sexes should get to know people before entering into intimate relationships with them, and should only seek to establish romantic relationships with people they care about and respect. “One-time intimate relationships involve many complexities and ambiguities, and increase the possibility of misunderstanding,” Lieberman said, adding that knowing the other person and the way they communicate reduces the possibility of misunderstanding.

Moreover, our society encourages girls and women to please others and worry about their feelings. Instead, we need to teach young women that their desires and preferences come first in romantic relationships.

This means that they have the right, and even the obligation, to say “no” if they do not want to establish an intimate relationship with someone, or if they change their minds at any stage of the intimate encounter. Explicit consent should be obtained before any intimate relationship, and it should be avoided if either party is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, as the majority of cases of non-consensual sexual intercourse on university campuses are related to alcohol abuse.

Lieberman said that saying “yes” from someone who is almost losing his balance does not necessarily mean his agreement. Likewise, refusal or expression of unwillingness in any way requires respect for the desire of the other party. Insistence and pressure until submission are not considered consent, but rather coercion.

Pay attention to safety at parties. Students should be made aware of the dangers of sexual violence at parties. Members of sororities commit more sexual assaults than others, and choosing other venues or mixed-sex fraternities may help reduce these risks. Lieberman advises students to agree on a safety plan in advance, accompany a friend, and ensure each other's safety.

It is also necessary to intervene if a person leaves who appears to be too drunk to agree with someone he does not know, or to check on friends who appear to be extremely drunk or behaving unusually. Always Believe Victims of Sexual Assault If a student tells someone they have been sexually assaulted, their story should not be questioned.

False allegations of sexual assault are extremely rare, and casting doubt on victims' accounts increases their suffering. Instead, the focus should be on “enabling the person who has been assaulted to make an informed decision about the steps they want to take,” Lieberman said.

This includes explaining the options available to the victim, such as informing the police or university administration, or speaking to a lawyer or family member. When students enter university, their knowledge should be broader than the subjects their professors specify for study.

Conducting these dialogues with young people of all genders can help protect them and those around them.